I had been falling slowly towards hell in past 6 - 8 months.  Its called severe post natal depression.  I sank deeper and deeper till one day I just broke, I had a very public breakdown and made whole heap people angry at me.  My therapist says that they should not be angry, because no one should be angry at anyone for being unwell, however I am still broken now more than ever.  Most of the days I find it hard even to get up or do anything, and I find it that I have no one to talk to, so I hold it all inside.   I feel I only get up for my 3 daughters even though I have huge trouble connecting to my youngest one.   They wanted to put me on SSRI meds I refused few times already because I do not want my daughter having severe side effects from meds passed through breast milk, and to be honest I do not like the potential of what they can do to me.  I dont want to take magic pill and mask everything.  So they tell me go exercise or meditate but how to do that when I do not even feel like moving, breathing or anything.  I just sink lower and lower. 

I picked my brush to resolve my conversations, but they make no sense.  My head is a mess.  I bottle the anger, despair and stare at the wall.  I cry when no one is looking, even though hiding tears is hard.  No one understands, hell I dont even understand.  I dont understand my wish to cease....

 

Reference: http://armene-stock.deviantart.com/